September 25, 2004. Can you believe it is ten years already? I just re-read the entries in a journal I kept in the days and months after Mom died and would like to share the following entry with you. I think the mystery of heaven is no less a mystery even after 10 years.
October 23, 1994
I wonder what it's like to be in heaven for a month. I cannot stop thinking today about her last two days of life: standing on the verge of eternity, yet still confined to an earthly body. We sat in the living room~captivated by the music, by the darkness of evening, by the candlelight that flickered on the walls, by her hands that searched for ours even after her voice had lapsed into an eternal silence. But what did her eyes see then? What spiritual sense began to grow inside her tired, disease-ridden body? As her earthly senses began to lose their grip on earthly reality, what new and wondrous heavenly sense captured her soul? Was the music in the room merged with the more resonant tones of heaven? Was the candlelight reflecting a more intense and vibrant light of glory? Was the warmth of our love for her the very outside of a cosmic, magnetic love that grew even greater in its dimensions as she released her grasp on life?
We saw her as dying, but what wondrous rebirth was she experiencing? My heart aches to understand this paradox of life and death, this heavenly transformation, this elusive, spiritual miracle that was within our grasp for two days, and yet we had no power to close our fingers around it. We felt it like we felt the angels that hovered near us, yet it was always outside of our eyesight.
Today...one month later...how I would like to go back to those few, precious hours and look and feel and see once more. Was there anything I missed?
Blessings to all of you today! We have missed Mom for 10 years, but we've had each other. That is a good thing. I love all of you!
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